Vice Management

For a loser, Vegas is the meanest town on earth.  ~Hunter S. Thompson

As someone with more than his share of gamble, bagholder will be ushering in the new NFL season next weekend from the posh confines of Caesars Palace, Las Vegas. Seems only right to kickoff the new season in a Roman environment as NFL Football is the closest thing we have to Roman Gladiators.  While the NFL doesn't offer the blood, guts, and gore of ancient Rome, there is just enough violence to quench the more animalistic thirsts of the average American Male. 

Las Vegas holds a special place, deep in Bagholder's heart. Back in the day, Greyhound bus tickets were $12, rooms at Binions were $15, two room service omelets & pot of coffee with tip - $20.  We used to sit in the sportsbook on a gambling budget of less than $100 and bet football & horses all weekend, with a roll of quarters handy (for tipping the waitress bringing free beers) . Oh yeah, and ten cent craps. Ahhh the good old days. As an experienced veteran of weekend benders in Vegas here are some helpful hints for you rookies….

1. Set a gambling budget and stick to it. As childish as it sounds, it guarantees there will be more weekend benders in the future. 

2. Be caught up on sleep before heading to Vegas. If you are short of sleep and then head to Vegas, your chances of managing your roll wisely are low; add alcohol and/or drugs into the equation, and those chances are  nonexistent. 

3. Stay hydrated. Water is your friend. The dry air, the desert heat, the casino oxygen & the Alcohol all conspire to deprive your immune system of its most vital lubricant.

4. Leave the kids home. It is not a family town. Las Vegas is 24/7 debauchery on display for all to see, including your kids.  

5.  Any given weekend, there are a dozen good shows worth seeing. LV isn't all about the gambling, they do have top shelf entertainment

6.  Don't upset the locals. This cannot be underestimated. While you are there to "cry havoc" they Live there. Be respectful. 

7. While they tell you drinks are free at the tables, it takes time to get them there.  During that time, your roll is exposed - so really - they are not free. Believe me, Bagholder has ordered more than his share of four figure Heinekens. The reason alcohol is free is because it impairs judgement, the one thing you need to keep your money. 

8. 99.6% of the hot looking women who look you in the eye & smile, are WORKING. Bagholder believes you have a god-given right to skewer $1000/hr working girls, if that is your thing.  Be warned though, with this subtle nuance: While you are eyeing their valuables, they too are eyeing your valuables.

9. Eat well. Breakfast - omelet house (corner rancho & charleston) - the spartacus rocks.  Lunch - for the last 25 years it was the Stage Deli at ceasars, now that its closed - the American Grille at the Rio will do fine - the oysters rockefeller  wow. Dinner - Hugo's Cellar at the 4 queens, everything on the menu is good - has an old Vegas feel - for the nostalgics out there. 

10. Expect to lose. All gaming in Vegas - except poker - has a negative expectation value  (-EV for short).   This means, the more gambling you do - the greater your chances of losing.

So one of the keys to occasionally beating Vegas is to eat like a king, enjoy the shows, party like a rock star, smoke good cigars, ogle women, and NO long sessions at the tables/machines. But  rather, take your whole gambling budget and make 1 big bet. Something roughly 50-50 like the NFL, gives you 3 hours of rock solid entertainment for your bet & about half the time, you will go home a winner - if thats the only gambling you do. As any veteran of Las Vegas will tell you, going home a winner about half the time puts you miles ahead of most people.