My Way

 

     I am doing my best to find something to write about other than Covid, and the Vaccines. Its tough to do, because its everywhere you look. Its simply amazing  the number of people who willingly roll up their sleeves, for an untested vaccine (which offers no immunity) to fight a virus which has a survival rate of 99.76% - same as the flu. The thought process of most adults has been corrupted, no doubt.  My guess is the educational system is largely to blame. So lets discuss them & leave the Covid out of it. 

   Bagholder has always believed public schools are not there to teach, but rather they are there to familiarize and condition the young to the ways of institution, eliminating any bit of independent thought or self awareness along the way. As far back as I could remember, it was:

Be quiet, do as you are told, become a team player, stop your whining, work hard, don't make waves, respect authority, color between the lines, etc etc etc...  On the surface this all sounds like good advice, but following it comes at a cost of being true to yourself. Its suffocating, in every sense of the word. 

  Critical thought, Self reliance, Curiosity, and outside the box thinking - are all deliberately snuffed out at a young age by the school system. Schools have always championed group over the individual, feelings over reason, conformity over curiosity, and obedience over critical thought - just to name a few.   This makes the schools remarkably proficient at producing like minded, people pleasing, obedient adults, each of whom will be an ideal fit as a corporate/government drone. As a consequence most adults I know are completely incapable of moving opposite the herd; as that would require both courage and perseverance, 2 more things being systematically removed in our young.

     We are all taught self worth is derived from the degree to which you fit in, work hard, and become successful. How do you become successful in 21st century America? By climbing onto the hamster wheel, and accomplishing the things other people define as success: College education, Spouse & kids, climbing the corporate ladder, over sized suburban house, retirement accounts, and maybe a Tesla or two in the garage. Once again, measuring your success using other people’s milestones comes at the cost of being true to yourself. Nowhere in any of this, is there room for even a shred of self-awareness. Strong personal relationships are near impossible to keep. Happiness? Forget about it - just go buy the latest Iphone. 

  As Bagholder was pondering all this recently  - I ran across a NY Times best selling book titled "Top 5 Regrets From the Dying" by Bronnie Ware.  As you can probably glean from the title, the book lists the top regrets people espouse about their lives, as death is near. Number one on that list is being true to yourself. It sounds nice: "be true to yourself".  Bagholder would argue, thanks to our educational system, very few people could clearly articulate what it means to "be true to yourself". So please, allow me to give it a whirl...

The truth shall set you free.....

   Being true to yourself, first and foremost means being honest with yourself about your needs and desires.  Recognize, your needs are yours, and yours only. Just because your neighbor has a new Benz in the driveway, does not mean you need one. In short, stop sacrificing your needs and desires just to please others. Get off the hamster wheel. Make no mistake, being genuine (honest) will invite contempt & disapproval from others, but pay them no mind. Understand it is better to be disliked for who you are, than liked for who you are not. Re-read the last sentence, as I cannot stress it enough.

   Being true to yourself, means having the ability to recognize change is never something shameful, or to be feared.  This is never easy, as the other side of change is often a scary uncomfortable place. The fear of change is what keeps people living in the same town they grew up in, keeps them in the same unhealthy relationships, and keeps them in a job they don't like. Make a mistake? Acknowledge it, learn from it, make changes, and let go.  Learn to embrace change, your life will be better for it. 

   Being true to yourself, means keeping the people in your life who support & respect you, as you are - and ridding your life of the people who don't. The ones who don't are easy to pick out - they are the judgmental, and the controlling. There is just no place for these people in a fulfilled happy life. As for the people who do support & respect you - keep them around for life, by supporting and respecting them. Like the saying goes, those who give respect - get respect. 

   Being true to yourself means knowing deep down, what is right for you and trusting that inner voice. Never make choices based on popularity within the herd, or on what others feel you should do, or from a place of fear. Make decisions based on your judgement. Your life belongs to you. Nobody else has to live with the consequences of your choices, like you do. As painful as it may be, let go of both public perception and fear, and put trust where it belongs, in yourself.  

   Finally, living a life without regrets is tough. It requires a level of introspection few are willing to undergo. The soul is not always a pretty place. Trying to live regret free requires knowing there are going to be people in life who do not like you - and you just have to accept it. It requires the realization that freedom outweighs conformity,  self awareness outweighs obedience, and most importantly authenticity outweighs validation from others. Bagholder will have some regrets on his dying day, but "being true to myself" isn't one of them.

 Can you say the same?